Anyway, my present:
Isn't it beautiful? It almost looks as if he's reaching for a pair of well-formed female upper body appendages. As he surely would say: cum. If you for some reason happen to dislike my gift, here's what think of that:
You know, "come back when you're a bit more ... mmmm, thankful." Also, here is a link to my favourite hentai fic, just for you: Saphira's Threesome by SexiHawt. Be sure to check out his Taking out the Guard from Behind as well, an epic short story about the great pleasures of onanism, BDSM, and anal sex. The worst part is that people think SexiHawt is a good writer.
Okay, since you are turning seventeen, I will offer some words of wisdom to you, which I hope you remember for the rest of your life.
1. "The superbitch who killed Jones deserves death. Jones was fucking awesome, a pack of sheer coolness and grove, and Denise is a bitchy bitch holier-than-thou hippie arsehole."
2. "Watch out for people who explode, lest you want to end up the same way as Mr. Raines' companion."
3. "Hal is, like, fucking brilliant. He alone makes fallen dragons worthwhile. Heed his words for the rest of your life, and follow his example. If you gotta have some pussy, do it the right way. Watch out for people keen on framing you for rape, though."
4. "If the place Jones woke up in had actually been a BDSM joint, I would have laughed so hard my guts would've broken through my stomach wall."
5. "Does Jones get his life back? Does he get his groove back? Is there any connection between Jones and the song by the same name by Counting Crows?"
6. "The superbitch who killed him, at any rate, deserves a fate worse than death: merrymaking with Mr. Motley."
7. "Btw, Miyamoto Musashi is awesome. You should read the book by Eiji Yoshikawa."
8. "Har du lyckats fa tag pa en tecknare till spelet annu?"
Without further ado, I present this nefarous birthday poem which was fun to write but is probably not fun to read.
A white pile of skulls
for the glory of the Sun
A thousand have died
at the Emperor's word
and yet more shall falll
before our glorious blades
for we are the soldiers
of eternal splendour!
Fifty thousand years
shall the Empire stand
tremble when soldiers come
to bring your lands into
the embrace of the Sun
such is the wish of the Gods
for we are the warriors
of the three million spirits!
Our name is made in steam,
in steel, in gold, and blood
and all those who hear our name
shall beg the gods for mercy
oppose the might of the Sun
and you will face the wrath of a god
for we are Suwaiman's elect
destined to bring all into the Sun!
